How sad and scary. We're here for you! Hang in there, Ash!

I have came close a few times. My kids are the only reason I'm alive today. I was sent to the psych ward every time. They also sent me to impatient program 

Well today I found sound out about I'm allergic to cats. My lungs closed up while I was driving with the kids. I quickly pulled to the side. As things got dark I felt my EpiPen and injected my right thigh. The injection was closer to the waist hitting a nerve. Last Thursday I felt lumps in my breast. I went to the ER and the doctor felt the masses. I couldn't get a mammogram there. I'm waiting on word for my primary care to get back to me. I'm officially tossing the towel. I'm only seen as a sexual fantasy and nothing else. I just live in a horrible area and even online isn't any different. I'm just sick of everything. 

Thank you Louise.

Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment, Heather Shay. I think you’re just as an amazing woman, if not more. And yes, helping others helps me too.     ~ Lilis  💗 

I have read up on some therapist that do online sessions. 

Thank you for sharing, I feel I've come to a good space that will help me understand more , and also learn from the more experienced.

@kat2 thanks 💗.   Will these exercises help improve the appearance of flat hips or 'hip dips', that inward curve at the top of the outer thigh, despite not having a naturally flared pelvic bone?

I used to have a lot of anxiety about going out in public dressed as a woman.  I scheduled a session with my therapist in the city to discuss my fears.   As it happened, a big blizzard was scheduled to blow in on that day.  Rather than risk being on the highway in a blizzard, I drove in the previous day and stayed overnight in a hotel.  I was able to hang out in a nightclub with some of my trans support group friends.  The next day, I had all morning to kill before my appointment, so I wandered about downtown, window-shopping, dressed as me.  That experience of being out in public for several hours, interacting with store clerks and wait staff, and just walking along the sidewalk with nobody paying the slightest attention to me cured me of my fears.    By the time I got to my therapist's office, I didn't need the session.  I did it anyway, but I knew I was okay.

Most of us have dealt with guilt, anxiety, shame, fear of discovery... Even with a supportive partner, we deal with how society views us, writ large, and that adds to the anxiety.   Have you worked with a gender qualified therapist? Considered it? I've found that helped me tremendously to find peace with who I am and to understand that there's nothing wrong with me. I found the ability to love who I am. When you can do that the guilt and fear pretty much disappears. At least it did for me.

I wonder if many people here suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? Is there a link, I wonder if the guilt or worry of being discovered takes its toll?   I am 57 now and am lucky enough to have a very supportive partner but it hasn't always been that way. I am a very anxious person and I really struggle around new people. Most days my anxiety is pretty bad sometimes leading to panic attacks. I would love to be able to put my finger on what causes the anxiety but I just can't pin it down Dressing helps by way of a distraction but it doesn't completely stop the awful feeling of anxiety building.   I no longer have to hide my dressing at home so that should be a weight of my shoulders but I wonder if that guilt, shame and worry from all those years just stays locked away. I had a pretty tough childhood, relative poverty and some violence from my father. Some other worries in adult life but everything is behind me now. Is it just me??      

Many of us, certainly I did, started out with just bits and pieces. No rush. Be comfortable. Try different things. I often took pictures of myself to get an idea of what looked good on me and what didn't. We all don't have hourglass figures. lol   And, it wasn't until I came out as TG and bought my first wig that I fully dressed.   We're here to help.

I've worked with my therapist totally on line. Don't overlook that as an option.

Who you are isn't a choice, what you do about it you have some control over. I had been suppressing that side for most of my life. It actually was a major part in having a breakdown. It was going through the therapy for extreme anxiety/depression that I was able to start. Whilst the journey ahead will be difficult if I don't do this I will only get worse. Whilst my partner isn't too happy with it, (I get some comments but not too bad) she is no where like yours and is partially supportive. How far and how quickly are also things you can have a say in. Starting hormones, taking care of your skin/nails. Whilst partners need a time to grieve who they have lost - it does seem like she is acting out - maybe some time apart? A good counsellor/therapist/pysch can be a game changer. Maybe couples therapy with the wife if you wanted to try and save your relationship. Also my psych said I had to be prepared to lose people including my partner - but people overall people are more accepting than I thought (I'm very worst case scenario thinking)  

Hi Natie and welcome. I know you will find lots of support here. This is a great place to find answers and opinions from people who really understand.

This is truth about secrets, I will look into it and see what is available for me.

Many of us have found that a therapist was crucial to really learning about ourselves and how we wanted to move forward. Secrets have a way of eating at you.

No ma'am I have not, I've tried to keep this side of myself a secret and that's what has caused so much stress.

So far I am liking skirts , with a blouse, sundress, shorty shorts, with a Cami or tankie. I've tried using lip stick, eye shadow is all. Never fully dressed and no I haven't been out either. 

Thank you so much I'm looking forward to a great experience with mutual members.