Thanks for the responses.  Square peg round hole rings true.  We cannot change our very nature it would seem. Accept it and celebrate it where we can...  

if you wish it on a personal bases, there is a thing called conversion therapy, they can pump your brain with electric and medicate you so you think your a chicken, but it masks something far deeper, like being gay, being a person of colour, its part of a spectrum which we should love and tolerate, not try to cure as if an illness. Trying to fix is a social construct, there is nothing to fix its part of this wonderful diverse world that we live in 

That is a bit like asking why there is no cure for tallness.  Or red hair.  We are transgender because that is the way we were born.   Medicating people's thoughts, even if it were possible, enters a really scary realm politically.  I don't think we really want to go there.   What doctors treat is the suffering caused, not by being transgender, but by trying to fit into a society that tells us we are male or female based on our genitals.  If society allowed us to be who we are from birth, they suffering would not be there.  But we are square pegs jammed into round holes, unless we transition.  Transition is the cure for the suffering.

I am sure others will have asked this question, I would love not to be transgender, to not even have to think about it. I guess there are many like me.  All the advice seems to be have therapy and take hormones.  No one ever says that we can give you some medicine to make you more manly, or to completely ignore the female thoughts.  Whenever my mind isn't concentrating on a task ( and often when I am concentrating on a task) my mind fills with ideas of fashion and accessories, and me with rounded bottom, boobs and vagina. I would love it to stop but it's been with me since childhood. I am starting to face the inevitable march towards transition, and while it is terrifying and exciting at the same time, I wish it wasn't the next logical step forward.  We can send people to space and yet we can't control how our mind works.   So far I have managed to stay really positive, but I am starting to feel a bit blue ( in a safe way) about the next move.  I think I will try some distraction techniques. And book a therapist.... It's really tough isn't it?

Well, its bank holiday Monday and as normal for the UK it is raining!!! No show for sammy the squirrel perhaps hes having an extra hour. Ive enjoyed not doing much only exercise over the easter weekend, i will probably add another wash in colour as i am out Tuesday night, then wednesday afternoon and wednesday night. My in box is full of weekend day trips, which have now started up again, I tend to tag along with language students from a near by University, I am really looking forward to getting out with them again.

Did you try online telehealth providers (if accessible to you)? GenderGP (UK-based and controversial in some circles, but many trans folks in Europe, especially Germany, have used them to access care). Queermed (a German initiative working toward better LGBTQIA+ healthcare, they might be able to help advocate or connect you). And if you are If you are in danger or need someone to talk to, please reach out to Trans Lifeline, Trevor Project, or Telefonseelsorge (Germany). I don't know I hope that helps. ~ Lilis 🫂

Thats just a reference photo tbf, as i said mine healed over, when i first had it done they had an issue with bleeding, it took a while to stop and they asked me to call back at the end of the working day to make sure i was ok. Ive also been posting alot of fitness photos because its that time of year, i am working on my upper and lower abdominal muscles, i am like most woman very body aware

Graceful Curves, Love the picture - possibly a mirror image from your past or your future? I'm partial to the more shapely figure too!   In some ways, being totally immersed in religion for the first 1/4 of my life was the gateway to my present spirituality; I actually attended Seminary school with aspirations of entering the Priesthood, until I realized it was just retribution for my own salvation, and no way to build a life. I shudder to imagine surviving that mindset of guilt and fear again - a frustratingly lost soul.    I've come to think of Universe as a collective Consciousness, with all possible outcomes contained within. We are manifestations of that Consciousness, encompassing the good, bad, and indifferent, and all that there "IS."    awkward-yet-sweet, your position in life is to be envied; the excitement of learning new things and connecting with others and yourself makes living so worthwhile. I find that drive elusive and more like a memory - melancholic in a way. The candid message is much appreciated.     Dolly D.   A quote from Hubert Reeves: "Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible God and destroys a visible Nature. Unaware that this Nature he's destroying is this God he's worshiping."

Not just weird but such a rude way to treat a customer ... I know many cis-men with very feminine voices (and I JEALOUS!!) and I assume they also get misgendered. My voice might be my biggest dsyphoria trigger and the mostly likely cause of too frequent mis-gendering.  Yesterday when I ordered at a Burger King drive-through the person taking my order said "Thank you, Sir".  I corrected him and he apologized and said "Ma'am". But I have never of the opposite happen and talking on the phone always makes me concerned.  If a person or agency I know I will have to connect with again in the future I just declare myself as a Transwoman and my preferred name/pronouns .... I do start Vocal Therapy sessions in July.  I hope it helps.

From the article ... "the family court noted that the special law is designed to prevent same-sex marriages," This is the basic problem and shows how far behind Japan is in LGBTQ+ issues (not just Trans).  I know at least one person personally that has faced this dilemma.  And if there was ever any hope for my wife and I to reunite, I would be in the same situation.   The good news is this is not the first time the laws have been challenged and hopefully it will give others courage to do the same.  New ideas and cultures face different obstacles there, but the struggles for individuals feel familar.

ADMINISTRATOR SPEAKING:   This topic is becoming repetitive and circular and no answers seem to satisfy the original poster.  Our rules forbid advice on medications and medication techniques since none of us are licensed physicians or pharmacists who are the only legal sources of authority for Transition medication. We can support our members medically informed decisions but by our rules cannot recommend or encourage courses of action that the member is uncertain of and has not obtained medical advice for.

it seems like you really want an exact answer to the literal questions in your post so im going to step back and try to do that   1. Do you think I should switch to injectables instead of waisting more time with experimentation?   no i don't think so. people put too much emphasis on the method of administration, as long as your levels are roughly in the right place it doesn't matter imo   2. Do you think my transition goals are achievable for me based on what I currently look like and based on the steps I want to take to realize them?   you say "My goal is to become a cispassing trans woman who is close to being conventionally attractive." you already pass pretty well depending on lighting, clothing, and hair (don't accuse me of lying bc im not. i understand if you don't agree but im giving you my honest opinion) so yes, your transition goal is achievable because you're basically there already   you also say "To achieve this goal, I am going to undergo Facial Feminization Surgery, permanent full body hair removal with laser, saggy skin removal (I have lost a lot of weight), supercharged BBL, waist-narrowing surgery, and breast augmentation." your pics mostly show your face and not your body so its hard to judge this part, however i would be cautious going down this route because i think you can meet your transition goals without all those surgeries given how you look right now. additionally, if one if your transition goals is to be safe from straight people, i think getting a bbl and ba might not really help you. ""conventionally attractive"" women get harassed too

People really misgender over the phone.  And bad phone signal doesn't help, either.     Cis people have it happen a lot, so it isn't unique to being trans.  My husband doesn't have the deepest voice.  Not feminine, but not like Brad Garrett (actor from Everybody Loves Raymond).  Occasionally people think he's an older lady until they look at his name.  Its really odd.  My GF has a rather raspy voice.  Not particularly deep or like a smoker's voice, but not smooth like you'd expect a woman to be.  She gets misgendered too.     And then there's times where voice doesn't matter.  For me, I have a female voice.  Not really high, but it won't ever be manly.  But in my boy form, it just makes me seem young rather than female.  People just assume I'm a teenage boy who hasn't had a voice change yet.  Then they look at my very real state driver's license, and absolutely **swear** it has to be fake.  Even with my birth gender "F" still printed on it.   

Good post...glad you brought it back where I could look at it.  It matches a couple of my own observations:     First, if you're looking for something...you WILL find it, whether it is there or not.  We are seeing this happen now in the USA where people are suddenly hyper-aware of the existence of trans folks, and so they are identifying cis women as trans and causing trouble about it.  God forbid a cis woman have a strong jawline or broad shoulders, she's gonna get accused of being trans.    Second, the majority of people aren't looking.  It may be a little less true at the moment because of the hyper-awareness of the trans issue, but it will eventually go back to normal.  Most people are not actively watching everybody around them.  They're talking with the clerk at the store, or they are driving, or checking out something specific.  Much of the time in warm weather, I wear as little clothing as possible.  Often shirtless, just shorts and sandals.  I swear I could almost walk around naked without much comment.  People are totally glued to their phones. 

Nica5 asked “2. Do you think my transition goals are achievable for me based on what I currently look like and based on the steps I want to take to realize them?” well you did ask “what i currently look like” so its pretty easy to understand how some of us, would include how we think you pass. There may be a nuanced language barrier thing that is somehow part of the issue here.

I hope so. I did talk about things briefly with my current therapist and he thinks its worth pursuing. I'm working though other stuff with him right now but looking at options for the future.

Thanks for the recommendation! I will look into it and maybe check out other self-help stuff too

I presented my wisdom on passing some years back here, but this old old old post still gives my POV on the subject --   https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/index.php?/topic/43991-public-vs-picture/

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I am looking at therapy options for the future. I'm still very nervous about moving forward but the more I look into things, and talk about it, the more it feels like the right idea.

Since your main transition goal is to pass, I don’t see how we can answer that question without assessing to what degree you pass now.