I've now been separated from my GF longer than any period of our relationship 😒  Really not happy about it, but she seems fine. Had a video call with her today.  She's finishing up some business at a port in Turkey.  But is she coming home?  Nope.  Back to Belarus, and possibly Latvia.  She's been gone almost three weeks, now I guess its going to be four.     My husband seems depressed without her, although he says this trip is necessary.  They spent a long time talking today.  And IDK why, but they usually don't speak English lately.  I should be used to it, since there are 7 languages in our home and I only speak 2 of them and tiny bits of the others... but right now I wish I could understand (and eavesdrop on) what they're saying.    GF's ex has been traveling with her, I found out.  I've met her a few times.  Not sure if I should be suspicious or just let it go.  She has special tech skills and has helped our county before.  She's a weird person, but decent in her own way I guess.  I just wish she wasn't so damn pretty. Even in my girl form I wasn't much to look at, so it makes me feel insecure.  Seriously questioning if GF doesn't really want me if I’m not a girl.  Should I go back to pretending and cram myself back into girl form if that's what she wants?  

I like your letter overall, but I'm troubled by this statement.  I think "fakers" are such a small number, if any really exist at all, they are statistically insignificant.  However, this one statement is a lightning rod for so many of the trans community's detractors, and I fear it will overshadow the more important points in your letter.   I do love your courage for speaking out!      

There seems to be some confusion at the VA about what will be permitted going forward, but since you are already in the VA system and are known to them, that would be the place to start, IMO.  We have several members who have reported being well treated and very satisfied with the VA, in terms of their treatment, but I'm sure it varies to some degree from facility to facility.   If not, a local LGBT center should be able to refer you.  I would try to find a practitioner who has several years experience and can offer referrals to other important professionals, including endocrinologists, surgeons, facial hair removal specialists, etc.  I like @kat2's suggestions about what to talk about and questions to ask.   Carolyn Marie

go for it dude

It could, I suppose, but somewhere, there has to e a definitive explanation of the term.

Hi, Jake.  Welcome!   I like how you have some family acceptance and some self-acceptance.  That is so nice to hear.   I second April's recommendation to talk to a gender therapist.  Your question about "is it too soon" is something that only you can answer.  But a therapist or counsellor will help you to find that answer for yourself.

Welcome to the forums, Jake! We're so happy you fund our little safe haven. Thanks for sharing your story? Have you worked with a gender qualified counselor at all. The answer to your question is really internal. What works for you might not work for others. The key is to find your happiness. We are all unique but do often have things in common.   Wander around, ask questions and jump in where you feel comfortable!!

Hi My name is Jake (that feels so good to say) and I finally came out to myself and my sister today. I've been masculine all my life. Playing at being a boy as a child, choosing to be male in computer games extra. I've worn a dress 3 times in my entire life, all at weddings. I've been living as non binary for a few years now. But have recently realised that I might be male. When I came out to my sister she said it didn't surprise her. After all I threw a complete fit when I was brought a doll one Christmas. Always had boys toys and my family nickname was Derek. Because I was such a tomboy. I have been dressing in men's clothes for quite some time but never thought of binding or packing. I'm pretty indifferent to my female genitalia. I'm ready to come out socially as I don't want to live a lie. But is it too soon?

Bleakness carries undue stress and tension

Suggest you clarify. What's does it mean for a member of the trans community to misuse trans identity? And is that a common phenomenon, as you claim? Take another minority context: Are there Black people who misuse Black identity? That's a rhetorical question. I'm just saying, it's quite a slippery slope, this claim.     This implies that for some, being trans IS a choice. Is that what you believe?     While your line of inquiry may lead you to ask these questions, depending on your intended audience, consider that you may unwittingly be feeding them fodder for further bias and misunderstanding.     Consider qualifying why that is. Is it just by virtue of being trans? Or due to how we're we're regarded and treated?     I know why you say this, but to the uninformed it may sound like you're struggling with substance abuse. Consider rephrasing for clarification.     Not to mention that the disabled stalls are usually within the gendered restrooms, and that unisex restrooms are the exception and not the rule, and are therefore not necessarily readily available.     Whoa, wait a minute. Is that really the source of real danger? As far as I'm aware, instances of cis men faking trans identity to do harm are extremely rare. Less rare are fictional accounts conjured up by those who seek to oppress us by spreading lies and fear. I strongly suggest we not perpetuate that myth. And if you want to address it, then please research and consider making a point to debunk it.   In my opinion the source of real danger in this context are the politically motivated factions that use transgender as a foil and a smokescreen for their own power grabbing and actually inability to affect any positive change.      This doesn't seem to follow.    And why would trans people generally be beholden to prove something?   Thank you for sharing your letter, @Maid In Bedlam. I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to take action.

It is indeed.   I'm still growing all the time, whether I want to or not.   I woke up this morning And lay in my bed To gather The scatter Of thoughts in my head   To wonder how this day Was going to be   And how I would deal with the things that I see   And one thought it caught me As quiet I lay   Your whole life was leading Up to this day   The good times and bad times The darkness and sun   Were all preparation For facing this one   Last year was just practice And yesterday too   To give one the wisdom To know what to do   Today is what matters We just have to see   That now is The portal To eternity

I hadn't thought about it like this, but yes the way I sit has changed.  For most of my life I had made a point of sitting not like a girl!    Now that girl stuff seems natural to me.  But I do mostly wear dresses and all.   But Yeah, in the last 10 years or so I have changed a whole lot.  While I wasn't a christian nationalist per se, I was certainly a conservative christian.  Escaping that world* gave me permission to finally admit that I wasn't really the guy I was pretending to be.   There are a whole lot of aspects to this, but yeah, I've changed.     But maybe it's just that the girl I was all along was finally able to come out into the world.  And that itself is a major change.   *I'm not against christians, I just can't live in that world any longer.

Wonderful!   I don't know if I've ever grown more than I have in the last 16 months. It's both terrifying and edifying.   100%   It's almost infuriating thinking how little I developed as a person in my past life. I grew, literally, and my body changed but I think I was basically the same, stunted, person since I was a teenager. I was more knowledgeable, but I was no better a person than I was when Weezer's Blue Album came out.

Having dealt with actual crime statistics, the "Faking it" crowd is the tiniest imaginable group of people around and usually found in pubs and bars with way too much alcohol or other intoxicants in them.  What is far more harmful are the Tall Tale Spinners / Horror Mongers who lightly tell horror tales as entertainment, or who are moralists using imaginary fear to control the behavior of actual minor age children or the more free thinking "children" of adult age.  Overall a good letter on the subject.

This could mean just about anything they want it to mean.

Sounds a bit on the "Bait and Switch" level to me.  End result will be exclusion of  post cancer restorative / prosthetic surgery.  Hang it on the Trans folks to get it started and make it appealing to "commoners" and when their cancer survivors are hit with it, too bad, so sad. 

I think the article is misleading when it states the proposed would stop gender affirming care.  I read through the actual proposal (which is linked in the article, and is an extremely long read) and what may be limited is "sex trait modification."  I couldn't find the specific definition of sex trait modification in the proposal, but I don't think all gender affirming care is being considered. To understand the real impact this proposal might have, we need to understand exactly what sex trait modification means.  I think it points to surgery, but is it full GRS or is it referring to elective surgeries like facial feminization?  However, in my opinion, I don't think the proposal is targeting all gender affirming care. 

A good therapist should be able to put your mind at ease, You should be able to talk about the direction you wish to go in and talk a little about your past history. It is important to seek out a therapist who has training in Gender Identity Issues. We are each very different and this is where the skill of a good practitioner will come to the for. Its nothing more than talking about your past and what you hope to do going forward. Good luck

Today's Casa Stana blog has a great article written by Monica Kawalska titled "Legs, Lycra and Me."  It is a mini history lesson about stockings.  Monica writes so well, you should take the time read her post.  Like me, Monica is a leg wear fan.   Here is the link to the article: http://www.femulate.org/2025/04/legs-lycra-and-me.html      

Oh my God!    Thank you so much, Heather. I'm grateful and blushing. 😊     ~ Lilis 🫂 💗