Thank you everyone that's responded so far! I can't express how happy I am to find you all, and how much love and support you've already shown!   I actually made a spelling mistake in my own name (that's embarrassing) It's Andréa, not Andéa lol. That's my bad.     I actually have switched over to women's underwear. I got some cute boy shorts that I like and are comfy. I've already had my ears pierced from when I was young, and I've started wearing jewelry in them again. I would define them as gender neutral earrings, which is a good starting point for my partner.     Yes, this was one of the first things she said to me when I came out, that she felt like I had lied to her all this time, and my response was similar. That I had been lying to myself for so long and just couldn't do that anymore. After telling her that I came out to her as soon as I possibly could after accepting it she was a bit more understanding, and after doing some research herself she came to understand.      No worries! These are things that I have taken into consideration as well. I've actually always removed body hair, specifically my chest, belly, underarms and, erm, downstairs, so thankfully that has already been normalized for her as I have never had hair there since we met, but I have started shaving my arms and legs and she's used to that now. I've also started a skin care routine, and I'm so glad I did. It makes such a big difference. I used to paint my nails when I was young and in my goth phase, and loved it even then, so that's something I wanted to bring back and love doing it   And to everyone suggesting a gender therapist, I'm way ahead of you lol. I've been seeing one for a couple of months now. I do think that my partner could benefit from therapy as well, but she's hesitant mainly due to language barriers. English is her second language. She's coming around to the idea, though.

That's what we're here for, luv!

Welcome aboard, Andéa!    Your concerns about how the pace of your transition is impacting your wife are valid. It is something that many of us struggle with. What you need to keep in mind is that since coming out to yourself, you actually have already transitioned to some degree. How you demonstrate that in the real world, with things like clothing, nails etc. is something that you will need to normalize bit by bit if you want those things to be permanent.   I'm not trying to shoot you down, but one thing I realized fairly recently is that not all women wear nail polish, but you can still grow them a bit and round them off with a file instead of clipping them hard and straight. Not all women use makeup or perfume, but you can still apply a moisturizer to your face every day just to get the feeling that you have a beauty routine. Not all women wear dresses etc., but you can easily get away with wearing unisex looking women's clothing such as tees and hoodies (which are identical to men's, except that they are a bit shorter). Meaning, you can still be feminine without going all out. Yes, grow your hair out (it is my best feature!), use your wife's deodorants, shave your underarms (and if you can get away with it, your chest). When your hair grows long enough, part it off-center.    Every woman is different.   I totally understand the difficulty of convincing our wives that we have always been this way while dealing with the guilt of keeping our true identities from them in the first place. Convincing them that we haven't really changed, yet all they see is the change in us. Baby steps are important. Good luck. 

I hate it when there's a shortage.  There are such huge differences in adhesives if they make a substitution.  The generic patches burn my skin, and they are huge, so more skin gets burned.    I finally got permission from my insurance to get the brand-name patches, and there is a note to that effect on my file at the pharmacy.  When they are out of my regular size,  they have to substitute a different dose of the same brand, rather than switch me to the generic.

An amazing organ we all seem to take for granted.

Well done @Joanne Grace, this is a good news story, and we can't get enough of them nowadays!

First facial yesterday - didn't raise spirits.

A calm mind is a powerful tool. Let the day unfold without unnecessary stress. Embrace the present moment and appreciate the small joys, even amidst challenges. Here are some ideas to help cultivate calmness: Practice mindfulness: Focus on your breath, the sounds around you, or the sensation of your feet on the ground.    Engage in gentle activities: Read, listen to soothing music, or spend time in nature.    Speak kind words to yourself: Acknowledge your strength and resilience.    Remember your values: Reflect on what truly matters to you and let it guide your decisions.    Let go of what you can't control: Focus on the present and appreciate the things you have. 

A calm mind is a powerful tool. Let the day unfold without unnecessary stress. Embrace the present moment and appreciate the small joys, even amidst challenges. Here are some ideas to help cultivate calmness: Practice mindfulness: Focus on your breath, the sounds around you, or the sensation of your feet on the ground.    Engage in gentle activities: Read, listen to soothing music, or spend time in nature.    Speak kind words to yourself: Acknowledge your strength and resilience.    Remember your values: Reflect on what truly matters to you and let it guide your decisions.    Let go of what you can't control: Focus on the present and appreciate the things you have. 

Do you trust yourself and do you tend to doubt your decisions?

Fascinating Facts About Skin    Sensory Organ: Skin is a sensory organ, containing nerve endings that detect touch, pressure, pain, and temperature.    Melanin Production: Skin produces melanin, the pigment that gives it color.    Unique to Each Person: No two people have exactly the same skin, due to variations in melanin production, thickness, and other factors.    Shedding Dead Cells: We shed about 30,000 to 40,000 dead skin cells every minute.    Home to Microorganisms: Skin is home to a variety of microorganisms, including bacteria and fungi, which play a role in maintaining its health.    Aging Process: Skin is the first organ to show signs of aging, as collagen and elastin production decline over time.    Protects Bones and Muscles: Skin provides a protective layer over bones and muscles.    Multi-layered Structure: Skin consists of three main layers: the epidermis, dermis, and hypodermis.    Thinnest and Thickest Skin: The thinnest skin is found on the eyelids, while the thickest is on the soles of the feet.    Constantly Growing: Skin continues to grow throughout life, even after adulthood.    Importance of Sun Protection: Skin is vulnerable to sun damage, which can lead to skin cancer and premature aging  Largest Organ: Skin is the largest organ in the human body, covering an area of approximately 1.8 square meters (19 square feet).    Constant Renewal: Skin is constantly regenerating, with new cells replacing old ones every 28 days. This process slows down with age.    Waterproof Barrier: Skin acts as a waterproof barrier, protecting the body from moisture loss and external elements.    Temperature Regulation: Skin helps regulate body temperature by sweating and dilating blood vessels when it's hot, and constricting blood vessels when it's cold.   

Welcome Andrea - coming out to your spouse is extremely hard on both of you. My spouse of 30 years was so shocked and told me I'd lied all these years. I told her I'd lied to myself all these years. If your marriage is important (and mine was extremely important to me) vbe compassionate, understand she is just being exposed to this and you've lived a long time being and learning yourself. IT TAKES A LOT OF TIME. Mine nearly left but due to finances stayed. Over 1-2 years she started to come around and when she accepted me ands then my transition she become a strong ally.   Yours is not an easy journey and there are going to be some tough times. Hopefully you've found a therapist and perhaps another one for your spouse. For you - one when background in gender issues can be vital. For her, giving her someone to talk to about the issue and help sort things is vital for her.   As far as any further transition - finding a health care provider, familiar with HRT is important.    If you have any questions at any time know we have so many loving and experienced people who have gone through similar trials and tribulations and will answer lovingly, truthfully and honestly. We want you to be happy and full.

Well today is back to normal, overcast slightly cooler the usual routine when we get up, feed Mia, a couple more pictures from yesterdays lovely but long walk.  

Welcome, Andea! You have found a community where you are accepted and valued. Many of us have/still are pacing their transition in order to give SOs a chance to adjust and accept. I made that very same decision a little over two years ago when I came out to my wife. I hope your wife is able to make the adjustment.   Pacing is also, for many, a good approach as well. It gives you time to plan your steps, to experiment a bit with style, with make-up and other things while also working through the physical aspects of transition if you're considering them.   Have you considered working with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be a crucial aspect of our transition experience. A therapist will help you explore your identity and also help you determine your path ahead. Therapy can also help define ways that might ease your wife's acceptance.   Adding small feminine touches to your ever day wardrobe can also ease some of the dysphoria. Like you, I began growing out my hair almost immediately. I also switched to women's hi cut panties and a light fabric bra that was easily hidden under shirts. I also switched to wearing women's jeans and, after a few months, had my ears pierced.   I'm sure others will jump in with suggestions, too. In the mean time, feel free to wander the forums. You'll find lots of information and suggestions there. Ask questions and jump into conversations where you feel comfortable.   You are in a safe space.

the message continued, with "are you a girl or boy", being short in height and high pitched voice didn't help, it was great for following the stylistics and frankie valli not to mention the bee gees.!!!! Back to Ballet, the girls would tease me into going on point, it wasn't a pleasant experience and my feet hurt like hell.  Finding out i was naturally loose, was another mixed message as i ended up paired with another girl that was also naturally loose called Sue, we were both used as demonstrations in difficult exercises because, we didn't have to warm up as much, we did alot of partnered exercise where rubber bands went round our ankles and we would drop into side splits, the trouble was how could we get even fitter since we didn't feel any pain? when in side splits teachers would place their foot at the base of my spine and the same with Sue, and gently nudge us forward i would end up over Sues right thigh and she would end up over my left, ouch that hurt!!! A bit about Legat here for those that might be interested in Ballet Schools or what they are https://legat-russian-ballet.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-legat-reunion-and-legat-foundation.html  Becoming more body aware my inner torment, why wasnt my body developing right? pre hormones and just wanting to die, i just couldn't make sense of it all, I wanted out.

I am stuck with these for a whole month, I suppose i will get used to them, in my face it feels like i am blowing up a balloon, thats the trouble with equivalent patches!! I just hope that the balloon doesn't pop and i end up with my face on the floor (ROFL) the things we endure!!!