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Try this.   https://discord.com/login

@Petra Jane / @MaryEllen would be the ones to help on this.

Hi. Cant get to The discord channel. I put the reaktion V after three dots but it doesnt do anything.

Thank you, Kathy and Vidanjali.   I have never tried to see myself as a woman in front of the mirror, like this, dressing up, except when I was studying theater and I would dress up in a lady's dress with a wig, but it was just theater, but I see myself in the mirror as a woman, if you know what I mean. What bothers me most about myself is my body hair, I've always had a lot of it, and a beard, I bought a pulsed light hair removal machine, and I'm going to try it, I want to be hairless, I wouldn't be able to go on if I still had it. My wife is a wonderful person, very wise and spiritual, but she demands too much of me to be a man, even though I've explained to her that I never wanted to be one, we are actually married, on paper. She says she supports me, but since I don't take it forward, she thinks I don't feel anything about it anymore, and she seems to forget and keep pushing things away, we've been like this for years. But the thing is that I work a lot, I barely have time to understand myself, a lot of things are kept inside me. It's a little painful, but we're more friends than a couple in the end, she knows it, and so do I, it's just painful to admit it. About therapy, last year I went for a while, but I didn't feel like it helped me. I just want to remove all this body hair. I'm a little afraid of my parents, I just want to disappear, and for this world to be less harsh, it would be so much simpler if my parents had guided me back then instead of ignoring everything and not letting me hang out with people they thought were not good for me when I was a child, I had a gay friend when I was a child, we were just friends, but my mother wouldn't let me hang out with him, I think they already knew something and never told me, I understand them, I don't blame them, the world was very different back then, but they could at least guide me. I lived on drugs from my teenage years until I met my wife. I barely thought about anything, because I was always running away, and the worst part is that I didn't even know what it was from. When I got with her, I decided to stop everything. I even stopped smoking. Then, without using anything, the things that were drowning in my mind appeared, and I began to understand what I was running away from, from all that I still sometimes ignore, but it always comes back, every day it always comes back. I just don't want to continue being forced to be a man by everyone around me. It's tiring. Today I don't use drugs anymore, but I work a lot, and in the past I also worked a lot, because despite having been a drug addict, I was very successful in life, because I was very hard-working and autonoumous studied a lot autonomous. What I've been noticing in myself lately is that my mind is no longer able to pretend. I look in the mirror and see a woman, I feel a woman inside me, I feel my eyes looking like a woman, and I can no longer find the guy that everyone expects. I say this, but it's still all behind my eyes, and I hardly ever express myself, I'm very closed off, I always have been, I inherited this bad habit of keeping everything inside from my father.   And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for talking here, I don't have any friends with whom I can talk about this, and I needed to express myself a little without anyone wanting anything or expecting anything from me.

How could I ever be sad knowing that i have your amazing friendship? That alone makes me smile.

Hi Julia. Nice to meet you. Of all the things you wrote, this is the one place you used the word "love". First of all, I agree with Kathy that therapy would be very helpful as you appear to have a lot of conflict. Have you ever presented en femme even in privacy? If you've never felt validated by being handsome, then it makes sense being afraid of not being pretty. That is, you've never had the experience of (1) liking what you see or (2) liking being liked. So, if that's totally foreign to you, I can see why you'd be afraid of experiencing prettiness. Could you give it a chance? Just try a little something in private and see if you feel lighter in your heart. Little steps like that can teach you a lot about yourself.     Why don't you believe your wife? If I may, it could be you're projecting your own fear onto her. Because it's easier to believe that she's not trustworthy than confronting your own lack of trust in yourself. I hope you will seek help, dear.     Do you see how that's cyclical? But I totally understand what you mean. Fear is painful. You already know that. So, you want to avoid encountering more fear. But that keeps you stuck. Again, see if you can find very small things you can do just to see how you feel engaging in feminine things. You don't have to make any commitment of transition or not transition. It's just about finding small things that bring you joy. And it may be scary to feel joy if you're not used to it. But honey, don't stay stuck in fear forever. That's not what life's for. Much love to you.

Thank goodness. Your happiness is a blessing to all 😁

Many of us came here fighting dysphoria and depression, rarely showing our smiles. It was the people here, along with my therapist and wife, who helped me find my smile again. Hopefully, the OP has, too.

For sale, baby's shoes, never worn.

As I'm new, I'm just browsing around all over the place and came across this thread. The OP last visited the site in 2015, so about ten years ago now. The photographs, which are still active (obviously), show a young girl who didn't smile much.   I wonder where she is now, what she looks like, and did she ever learn to smile. Perhaps we'll never know; such a shame.

It was hard work, but my mum did not want me to go through medical treatments for my small stature, looking back i am pleased i ended up in Ballet,it is a great way of expression and Legat being Legat was known as the romantic ballet style, although Russian in origin. Starting hormones was a rollercoaster ride of emotion, I ws on premarin and cyproterone acetate, but tried others too such as ethinyl estradiol, but always went back to premarin, back then you could get Maroon coloured tablets which was the highest strength per single dose.Odd when my psychiatrist asked me how i felt about certain things, she lifted her spectacles and looked towards me, i gave a bit of a smirk, oh there ok? ok she said, well yes? 

I'm scared, 29 years old, and scared of transitioning. They say I'm a handsome man, but I don't even dress up. I'm very sloppy with my appearance and always have been. I've never wanted to dress up. I've never liked people liking me because I'm handsome. That's something that's always bothered me. And just because I have a lot of hair, I never had the courage to start when I was younger. But seeing myself as a woman, I would love to dress up and look pretty and be liked for being pretty. But I'm afraid of not being pretty as a woman. My wife will certainly leave me, even though she said she would support me throughout the transition. She knows about my issues and that it hurts me a lot. But I don't know. I just wanted to vent. I'm afraid of feeling scared.

My wife and I have boycotted JK Rowlings work—not that it will make any difference since we are very small people and think that Harry Potter is a kid's story anyway. Nevertheless, it's a gesture, however small. Becca

Thinking back to the day i was finally told that a surgeon could fix my failed gender surgery after so many failures, i will always remember a feeling of being alive almost euphoric 

Music.

Hi, Julia.  Welcome!   When I was young, I was always a girl in my daydreams.  It made no sense to me at the time, but of course now it does.   If you find this confusing, I would recommend seeing a gender therapist.  They can help you sort out what you are feeling and what, if anything, you would like to do about it.

I remember when I was a child my night dreams of going down a slide and in some steps get some feminine parts until the end where I'm as a girl. I don't know why I'm here but sometimes I'm aflict about this, I work a lot, and before work a lot I had used drugs a lot, and I think maybe I did this things only because I'm running away of me. I need to go, she is comming.

Thanks for the support, I have finished writing a draft of a letter/email that I'll send out. My close family is supportive and I will get my mum to proof read as she is closer to the target audience.   Hi,   I am writing this to explain some stuff about myself. I've been feeling like this for about 4-5 years. My experience of gender is not static like most people. Some days I am happy being perceived as a guy, other days I hate it and I wish I'd been born a girl or could be one. I fluctuate between those two extremes. It's sometimes hard to tell where exactly I am.   For you guys, I would love it if you stopped calling me Will and could call me Billie instead. I would also like to be referred to with they/them pronouns.   If you have any questions, feel free to ask via email.   Thanks, Billie Hampshire  

I was kidding