Marceline, and unusual but very beautiful name.  Welcome to Transgender Pulse. Here you will find support, advice, Jokes, and best of all Friends who have gone and/or are going through exactly what you are now. I, myself have to live a double life as my wife and oldest are against me going any farther with transition.   Feel free to read and jump in on any post you find interesting. Come and join us coffeeholics in the "Good Morning Coffees on" Thread. Were we talk about anything and everything. ( as long as it follows the rules LOL)   Kymmie

Yup.  Things are going backwards now.  It's sad.

Hello! My name is Marceline, I'm 23 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm trans. Marceline is the name I've chosen for myself and it already makes me happier than the name I get called every day. I think that counts for something. There are a variety of reasons I'm unable to come out in my everyday life, but I'm hopeful that this forum will at least give an outlet so I don't feel like crawling out of my skin every five minutes. Think of it as a sort of a pressure valve for me. After a cursory glace at a few of the posts and topics here I already think I made a good decision. Previously I had a Reddit account where I really shared, in the end that ultimately outed me. That was a painful and embarrassing experience which ended up permanently damaging important relationships for me.  I know what I'm doing now is just as dishonest but I'm not in a position where I can blow everything up. Of course I'd adore a new wardrobe, the opportunity to actually learn how to do my makeup, to start HRT, to breathe for once in my life. It occurred to me the other day that I never really look in the mirror if I can help it. It feels like I'm wearing this costume I can't take off, like I'm playing a character of what I think a man is the moment I wake up. It's exhausting. Then somedays it doesn't feel as exhausting and I think that maybe I'm making it up, or that I'm sick, or that it's some kind of idle obsession that doesn't reflect the way I feel. So part of me coming here is also seeking validation, I'm not ashamed to admit that. I need to hear it from another trans person that I'm not going insane, that this is rational. I want to be recognized and called the name I love.    This is new to me but also familiar. I've been down this road before. I know I will find comfort and comradery through the people who make this forum a safe haven for trans people of all kinds. There is a lot more to me but I feel like this a fair introduction to what I've been thinking for the last few months. It's a pleasure to be here and I can't wait to meet all of the lovely people here.   -Marceline    

I know. If only this was really only about architecture.    I went to the Padres "Night Out at the Park" - their Pride theme night. I was so surprised to see a gender neutral rest room with a lot of stalls and people peacefully and safely using it.    I looked for it again the next time I went to a game.    They changed the sign to make it back into a ladies only room.    sigh.    -Timi

This

Yesterday's. See 6 across. 🏳️‍🌈  

The simple solution, especially when buidings are built or remodelled, is to make all public bathrooms gender-neutral.  All stalls should have floor-to-ceiling walls, and doors with no gaps.  Put the urinals in stalls, too, or in a separate area.     It's not rocket science.  We have the technology.  They just don't want to do it, because it would remove one mechanism for controlling women.

I guess I keep my expectations low.

If there are "trans bathrooms"…….   Can cis people use them? (if there are long lines)  Do trans men and trans women use the same ones?  So now we need 4 sets of potties?  Oh, maybe 5 - got to consider the NB folks as well.   At the coffeehouse I go to there is only one for everybody, and so far it's been working out fine for everyone.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/clyw9qjeq8po   ..."in some circumstances the law also allows trans women (biological men) not to be permitted to use the men's facilities, and trans men (biological women) not to be permitted to use the women's facilities".   Some of this puts trans people in impossible situations, and makes no sense.  So trans women can be barred from women's spaces and men's spaces.  So businesses and schools and public places should create "trans spaces?"  Beware unintended consequences!   Carolyn Marie

I used to think i was mad up at six every morning except Sunday!! I believe footballers train in some forms of classical ballet. The old Legat School has long since gone, it was a large old seminary, complete with church, swimming pool, tennis courts when you went to Legat it was because you were gifted as a child as fees were astronomical. The estate now lies empty and over grown

It has long been a fantasy of mine to have the present "Older Me" go back in time and visit the "Younger Me", and tell that kid a few things!  Young Me would be absolutely shocked and amazed hearing about the things I would actually achieve in my lifetime--things that would have seemed impossible to me from my limited perspective.      And you don't even have to go back that far.  Even 5 years ago, what I'm describing would seem utterly absurd and incomprehensible.  And yet it has happened.    I have been transitioning with feminizing hormones for about 3 years now, and my body has changed drastically.  On a whim I bought this leopard one-piece at Walmart, because I felt I now had the "womanly curves" to make it work.  I took pics, posted them on Reddit, and to my surprise got 120+ upvotes (which I thought was pretty good) and I received many compliments!     This can really mess with your head.  The idea that I, a 59-year-old assigned male at birth could have a body like this that some described as "feminine", "sexy" and "hot"--like a "bathing beauty"--just blows me away!  I'm trying to be modest, and others look better than me, but most people approaching 60 don't tend to look that attractive in a bathing suit.  And I'm sure I would have been one of them!   Given the choice between being a mundane, middle-age male or an exotic, sexy female in a bathing suit, I wholeheartedly choose the latter.  Someone I'm familiar with on another forum who went through a similar transition at the age of 58 created these memes posted below.  They show the shock of discovering the "Future You" is in fact a hot female!  And no doubt the HRT has improved my health in many ways--some people call it a "fountain of youth"!   I felt a little funny about posting this, but I wanted to share my personal experience with you.  I'm curious what people think and whether any of you can relate to my rather unique turn of events!          

Life is what you make it, nobody will do things, it is up to each individual to find their own way in life. Parents bring us all up with their emotional and lifes challenges, the world is not perfect by any means. Transition can and does bring a whole different set of issues or problems, such as but by no means the least, a job,  hair removal, voice therapy, and probably a great deal more a good Gender therapist can help untangle  your mind and explore what is right for you, and that is most important, what is right for you. god bless 

Wow, you must have been younger then.   enjoyed that!   I enjoy moving my body.  Not so sure about ballet itself.  Or really dancing.  I learned the art of romantic swimming with Cynthia.  Then a couple days before she died, we went to a crowded pool with a bunch of kids!  What are you to do?  So I keep on trying to recreate that thing of romantic arcade room like I remember from my youth.  We have "ground control" in PDX, but it's just craziness there.  I enjoy the arcade scene at the beginning of War Games because it has a more open feel and slightly more sophisticated but still youthful fun.   chow! -Lydia

My mother is a witch, she can kill with her thoughts. And I tried so hard to change that when I was younger. I can't try anymore, they don't want to change. In the end, it's just their fear of death, being superficial hides death better. Helping someone who doesn't want to be helped is unfortunately a waste of energy, we won't get anywhere.

You can change that.  Be cognizant of being open and honest. 

Thanks, April and Kat.   I'm going to see a therapist, because we're moving away again, we don't have many friends. I've always had a lot of "friends", but they were bar friends, and when I got together with my wife that changed. I barely leave the house, only to surf. I really like surfing, it's a happy time, right in the water. I've been surfing since I was very young. Sometimes we try to make friends, but there are really bad people, fake people, that irritates us and we abandon them. Female friendships are really hard, they're always a little fake with my wife. I see desire in their eyes for me, and they envy her, that's really bad. I wouldn't even want to be born in a man's body, and people just eat me up with their eyes. I believe that this would change if I transitioned, because that wouldn't be a problem anymore. It's sad, but cis women can be really mean sometimes. And I don't even like to say "if I transitioned", my mind has already changed, that gray cloud of alcohol and drugs has disappeared and Julia was here crying, although I still try to ignore her by working too much. And when I was young and until now, I was always very quiet, so I don't blame my parents, I didn't tell them my dreams and feelings, but that's how they raised me, my father was raised that way too, very closed off, so in my childhood I lacked an emotional education. There was also the problem of my mother being a fervent churchgoer, it was horrible, I didn't like going to church, that's where I met the worst and most fake people. I'm almost certain that if I tell my mother all this, she'll deny what I feel until the last day of her life. I wouldn't tell her, I'm moving again, far away from them, I don't live that close anymore, but we're going even further away, it's like a friend of mine once told me when I was a child, "family is a hole, if you don't move away, they'll sink you". But in general they are good parents, but being around them is always fake too, no one expresses any emotion, it's even funny, everything is always very shallow. But let them there. I keep thinking, am I crazy, or am I being obsessed by some spirit? I just want to get all this out of my head. I feel like crying a lot, but I don't. And I'm afraid to talk, I'm afraid to talk to my wife again, of hurting her with what I feel. She had a different childhood than mine, very hard on her, I like to make her happy, today she almost lives the life of a princess, she gets everything she wants, in the end, that's how I would like to be treated.

No change in land of sadness.

Celebrate the small winsExpecting outstanding results the first time you attempt something new is unrealistic and sets yourself up for failure. To overcome your defeatist attitude, you want to gather more evidence that you can succeed. To do that, start with small, manageable goals.